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Back Scratches and Nail Biting

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by Ian Kayser

It all started a few years ago while giving my daughter Ruby a back scratch. She wanted to know why my back scratches weren’t as good as Harper’s back scratches. I told her that its because I bite my nails and Harper doesn’t. Ruby asked me to stop biting my nails so I could give her a better back scratch. I said I would try. Then the next back scratch would come around and we’d have the same conversation. Eventually she asked me why I liked to bite my nails. I told her that I didn’t really “like” to bite my nails and that it was a bad habit that I formed when I was her age. She’d ask me to stop the bad habit and I’d agree. Then another week or so would go by and we would have the same conversation and I would talk to her about bad habits and I would tell her I would try to stop but I knew that in the back of my mind I would probably keep biting my nails. Bad habits are hard to break.

After months of this I began to feel defeated and even began to wonder what kind of message I was sending to my daughter. Was I telling her that bad habits couldn’t be defeated? What if she formed a bad habit and I had taught her that there was no hope? What If I was teaching her that once you have a bad habit you’ll always have that bad habit? Nail biting become more than just nail biting.

So last week I made a change. I actually googled “how to stop biting your nails” and there was a how-to article. The article validated my struggle and gave me some helpful information. As I was reading the article I learned about nibble inhibitors. Its like a nail polish that  just makes your nails taste really really bad. So I ordered the product, told Ruby that I was getting it, and when it came in the mail I let both of my daughters apply the “polish” on my finger nails. The result so far is that I’ve gone seven days without biting my nails and Ruby even told me that my back scratches are getting better.

I know I have a long way to go before I can call myself a “former nail biter” - they say it takes 60 days to form a new habit or to break a bad habit. So if that is true, I only have 53 more days! But even with that said, I’m doing the best I’ve ever done at quitting this particular bad habit which has made me think about habits. It's amazing to me how quitting nail biting feels just about the same as quitting sin. Both are a battle against my own will. And we all have particular sin that has become a habit.  

In his book, You Are What You Love, James K.A. Smith argues that the things that you love are most visible in our habits - the things we do without even thinking about. “If you are what you love, and love is a habit, then discipleship is a rehabituation of your loves.”[1] I know its just nail biting, but this whole thing is giving me new hope. By God’s grace, I can change. I can stop bad habits and form new habits. There is hope for me to stop my bad sin habits and form some new habits of righteousness. Its reminded me of Ephesians 4:22-23: “to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” My fight against nail biting has reminded me of the great power we have in Christ to “put off our old self and to put on our new self”.

[1] Smith, James K. A.. You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit (p. 19). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

1 Comment

I love that Ian. So encouraging! I want to borrow that book.

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