by Johnny Smith

I recently attended a 3 day team building exercise for our office that greatly facilitated the transition of my practice to its new owner. On the first day we took a short quiz that revealed our personal styles at work and then we shared our results with the group. My style was revealed as a “Pleaser-Analytic” and we all agreed that this rings true for me.

All of my life I have tried to please others, whether it was my parents when I was young (my mother said I was a very compliant child), or my peer group in school and my employees and patients at work. In some ways this is a strength because I can make friends quickly and put people at ease when they are with me. I am also very aware of others and their needs, but there is a dark side to this also. The opinions and thoughts of others toward me are very important. As long as others are approving of me, I am content, but if the opposite is true, I can become sad or depressed and lose my joy. This has also resulted in a strong fear of public speaking and a fear of sharing the Gospel.

In the book When People are Big and God is Small, author Edward Welch explains that this goes back to Adam and Eve who ran to cover themselves up when they realized that God was unhappy because of their disobedience. They were also ashamed of their nakedness before each other. Shame before God and others comes along with our sinful nature but hides under the surface, only to come out when we are criticized or disliked by others.

King David suffered this dilemma and we hear his cries in the Psalms for protection from God against his attackers, both physical and with words of accusation. Although we live in a relatively safe environment compared to King David, that fear of rejection and being ignored still looms large in our hearts. Also, we see the Apostle Peter giving in to this fear three times while Jesus was in custody by denying that he even knew him. At that moment, how he looked in the eyes of others was more important than anything else.

Peter’s fear of men is also revealed in Galatians 2:12:

For before certain men came from James, he (Peter) used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.

You can see that this is not a modern problem and is actually a form of idolatry. If you recognize this in yourself, take heart as I have, that this is the first step to overcoming any weakness or sin. Remember, the forgiveness of God is freely available with a heartfelt prayer. God can change you! While focusing on your faith in Jesus and trusting in the Holy Spirit, pray for strength to resist these fears. Remember Matthew 10:28:

And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

God does not want us to live in fear. 1John 4:18:

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Focus on truly loving others, rather than just pleasing them. There is definitely a difference between the two.

Have a good week​.